A blonde walks into an empty bar on New Year's Eve and asks the bartender if she can use his phone to wish her family back in St. Louis a happy new year.

"Well," starts the bartender, "the rates are pretty high on New Year's. You'll have to leave me a couple of bucks." "Oh, darn!" she replies, "I don't have a dime! What am I gonna do? This is my first holiday without my family." The bartender gives it about 2 seconds thought and comes back with a proposal. "Why don't you just come back here behind the bar... I'm sure we can work out a way for you to speak with them."

Eagerly, the blonde runs behind the bar just as the bartender starts to unzip his fly and pull out his penis. "Okay, honey, " he says as he gestures towards his growing organ, "just put your mouth up to this!"

Desperately wanting to do as he says, the girl kneals down and does what she's told.

She brings her mouth up to his crotch and quizically goes "Hello, Mom?"

Why did the Blonde get fired from the M&M Factory?
She kept throwing out the W's.

How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
you knock on the hatchet

Why is a blonde like a washing machine ?
Because they both drip when there fucked

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive odor of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time, He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies "yes, i'm okay".

He asks "So what were you doin'?

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blondes are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said......

FOR BEST RESULTS PUT ON TWO COATS.

There were two blondes who were going to Disney World and when they got there they saw a sign that said Disney World: Left so they turned around and went home.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me...I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" the girl says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ..........." he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

A blonde, brunette and a red-head walk into a clothing store. The lady inside tells them, "After you try something on, walk in front of the mirror in the back. Tell something true about yourself and you will see your reflection, but if you lie you will be sucked into the mirror."
The red-head goes into the dressing room, puts something on, comes out, and steps in front of the mirror. She says, "I think I am the smartest person in this room." She sees her reflection. The brunette goes into the dressing room, puts something on, comes out, and steps in front of the mirror. She says, "I think I am the prettiest person in this room." She sees her reflection. The blonde goes into the dressing room, puts something on, comes out, and steps in front of the mirror. She says, "I think," "WOOSH!" she gets sucked into the mirror.

There were 3 girls on a boat, a brunette, redhead, and a blonde. The boat started sinking so the girls decided to swim to shore. The brunet goes first and makes it 1/4 of the way there and decieds to turn around because she got tired. Next the redhead goes and makes it 1/3 of the way there and decieds that she was to tired so she turns around. Last the blonde goes and she makes it half way and decided to turn around because she was tired.

A blonde woman decides to join the navy. She does okay in most of the training.(With the help of everybody else there), but then the big day comes. Time for the live fire course. The first part they will have to crawling on the ground to avoid bullets. "NOW! yelles the general. Everybody get to the ground. Everybody including the blonde obays. We will start the Fire in 3... 2... 1..." The blonde stands up and says "pardon?"

Two blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

A blonde a brunette and a redhead were in their shuttle, figuring out where to go next.

"Let's go to the moon!" The brunette cries

"Nah, been done," the redhead says. "Lets go to venus!"

"NO LETS GO TO THE SUN!" the blonde screams.

"The sun? We'd burn up before we get their!"

"Not if we go at night.......